As I sit on the pot, collecting emotional thought, I thought I ought to give it some thought.

(Preface for female readers… this can only be explained from my perspective, insert he/she accordingly. But also observe the dynamics guys have to go through with the extra active pursuit)

This girl, man. Where do I begin?

I don’t know where it began. Well, I know where it began. But in my head… in my heart… where did all that begin?

I thought I ought to consider her. Don’t we all? Don’t we all consider whether or not to consider liking a person simply because they’re super cool and have a lot of neat things about them (plus they might be really cute, omg, let’s just be honest)? It’s like there’s this innate arbitrary premise that whispers “You better take notes, this one ain’t gonna last.” There’s this lie that if you don’t pay attention, she’ll go to some other guy and you’ll be miserable and kicking yourself the rest of your life because you didn’t take enough time to notice her spewed awesomeness (@MarielWithLove, you totally get that inside joke).

And I can speak this lie from experience. Not only have I pursued relationships and dated people (or wanted to) because of this premise, but I also just “take notes” to take notes. Keep tabs on people. See what makes them tick, just out of curiosity. Take the time to see what they love and why. What makes them beautiful people. I’ve spent a lot of time getting to know people (and mostly girls). Girls because they talk. A lot. And they’re willing to share. And I’m willing to take the time to notice them (not in THAT way, persay) but in a way that builds friendship and deepens the human conversation. It gives me time to relate in a deep way. It gives me time to wrap my brain around their story, analyze it, try to better relate, try to give them solid wisdom, and feel better connected with those around me. And try to make something beautiful, allow God to make something beautiful, out of my time I invest in them.

So, I take time to “take notes” on girls. See what makes them beautiful, from the inside. Hardly ever in a way that begins with hormones and pursuit of a dating relationship. Such is the case over 90% of the time, anyway. And yeah, sometimes it sends mixed signals because most boys aren’t like me (Which I’m comfortable with). But I love getting to the point where I can say “Man, that girl is gonna be an amazing wife to a luck guy someday”.

A LOT of confusion centers around this conclusion I make. Most of the time, it’s an emotional eye dampening (but not watering) heartfelt acknowledgement of God’s beauty I get to experience every once in a while. Although I am reminded of and get hints of these moments almost daily.

But SOMETIMES… my question then becomes “Wait, should I be liking this person as more than a friend?”

In the beginning, I would immediately start to selfishly grab hold of her saying “MINE” (when even I am entirely HIS) and go after some silly dating quest to capture what has to therefore be rightfully MINE. It’s like there’s some trophy we get for discovering some sort of “diamond in the rough”. Satan lies to guys in the strangest ways.

Sometimes I get to this question and say no, she’s not for me, in the

1. Things in common

2. Chemistry and ability to deeply relate

And most difficult to answer is

3. Are we headed in the same direction with life?

Number three is so complex. For one, we cannot dictate where God will place us in life. Two, how much/when/where do we get to step in and pursue/envelop our lives with this girl, CREATE a future. Thirdly, do we work well as a team. Also, can I support and work around her desire to own a 30 horse ranch if I want to travel the world and have a completely different occupation, for example.

Sometimes I don’t bother asking questions. I just let secret lust drive take over as with 99.2% of guys does.

Sometimes I get to the third part of the question and decide no, we’re not headed in the same direction whether or not I like her however much. Emotion ends. It’s not happening. Move on.

Sometimes I don’t get to the third part of the question. I pointlessly “High School Date” to have her as my “gf” and have some affection and clean fun stuff to do. Maybe we work together, but it has no purpose, no end goal without marriage that I can’t see happening.

Sometimes I get to the question, decide to go after it in my heart, wait for a signal, but get nothing in return… if only they could see the potential on the surface. If only they could see us walking down the aisle as I have (however silly or serious, realistic or fanatical you want to take that)

But SOMETIMES I get to the third part of the question and decide after further confused pointless review to just SCREW IT. I’m going after her. She’s worth it. I don’t know how much I’ll like her in five months, if it will lead down a path of friendship/relationship/bitter breakup. I don’t know squat. But I know I need to. My heart says go for it.

Whether or not it is our heart, mind, emotion, hormone, lust, lie, or prayer speaking through and for us…… that question, I cannot answer. But I do know we need to keep praying, reading our Bibles, listening to His thought, make His our own, and enjoy the ride.

Whether or not that ride involves this group of friends, romantic interest, financial interest, career, or otherwise: I only know this. Only He really knows.