Here begins a new adventure. not in the woods; not on the slopes, not on a mountain, not at a coffee shop or a friend’s house, not in a car, and not at a concert. But an adventure to venture Derek. What is he made of? What test(s) reveal his true character? What will he choose to adorn, cherish, love, and hold on to? Will it be for the rest of his life?

Not to ruin the LOTR fairy-tale-esque feel and all just now… because I just did… but does it creep you out if I talk in third person? Do I care? Because I’m going to keep doing it. For Reasons. Anyway… or is it Anyways?…

Gosh I’m ADD. But you love me. Because you’re still reading this.Theoretically. Well, theoretically.

*Get on with it!*

Right. So this is a smashing story, filled with some lovely scenes, that try to venture through my mind. My actions. my thoughts. My character. As I discover and redefine what home is, what I am, and who God really is. And not just to me. Because some truths are universal. (Relative truth, another rant, for another time).

Where do I begin? Well, the drive in was nice. Lots of fun. Great food. Possibly the best Mexican meal I’ve ever laid taste buds on. Krispy Kreme, don’t forget. Coffee. Free Water. Not too many potty stops (THANK GOD for being a man) All guys, stop reading and literally thank God for being a man. Ladies, roll your eyes and continue. It was good silence time to think. Ponder. Chill. Listen to all genres BUT metal along the way. We didn’t listen to Polka, either. Sad.

ANYWAYS… several God appointed moments.Un-coincidences, if you will. [insert witty quote about coincidence]. The radio warned us not to toss out the leftover cold coffee at 70 mph, as we were literally considering it. As we pulled into Carson City rush hour traffic (much worse than Billings), driving next to us was a family member we know and love, Scott Herman. Among other little funny God things that happened that I forget or don’t want to type out.

He has me down here for a reason. He’s gonna use me. Especially when I decide to get school into full gear. And even as my super super super dear friend Harper has helped me realize: I can’t sit around waiting for my feelings or emotions to match a state of change. I must decide to act and cause change.

I’ve grown to listen to satan’s lies that:

Derek’s past mistakes will never be corrected/forgiven.

Derek’s past mistakes will have miserable repercussion and my friends would never associate with me if they knew the full truth.

Derek’s friends don’t understand, care, or want to,

Derek’s impact is small, limited in size and potential.

Without leaving the house. Without causing change: I would not have realized these. More hopefully to come.

Note to self: next time leaving all friends and life behind for an unknown period of time… give more than 24 hours notice. Leave on better terms. And pray about the decision in greater depth and quantity.

I could write about my theoretical circles and hypotheses behind my decision all day long. But no conclusion has been/will be yet met.

What I do know is that God is smiling down on me whether the day has been good, bad, or otherwise. I know I’m struggling to stay afloat. I know my imperfections get in my way. But it’s so easy to forget about my strengths. And how to use them. And it’s so easy to completely undermine the power of God. I’ve been making my problems bigger than His solutions. I’ve been giving Him control in parts of my life, but not all of it. Pulling Him in with one hand and pushing Him away with the other, so to speak. And I’ve got to let go. Surrender. Again.

This is The Beginning Of The End Of The Beginning. This is the death of my childhood. This is the death of myself. This is the beginning of life.